no offence intended , Ally, delete if need be
>> Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a
> >> bottle of Tippex.
> >> I woke this morning with a huge correction.
> >> The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers ....... so I
> >> did....
> >> she's 21 and her name's Lucy
> >> My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's
> >> group The Monkees.
> >> I thought she was joking ........ and then I saw her face
> >> I went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting
> >> paedo and other names
> >> at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoilt
> >> our 10th anniversary.
> >> My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a
> >> couple of match sticks,
> >> his little face lit up when he tried to walk..
> >> Unfortunately, I forgot to
> > remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his
> >> cage.
> >> I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful
> >> bleeders.
> >> All I said was, 'hurry up for goodness sake, some of us have got homes to
> >> go to!'
> >> Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big
> >> fat bird
> >> who doesn't gobble anymore.
> >> Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting
> >> your bloody tee ready!
> >> Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching tv when I heard my wife's
> >> voice from the kitchen,
> >> 'what would you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?'
> >> I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please'
> >> She replied, 'You're having soup you fat b*****d, I was talking to the
> >> cat!'
> >> Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's
> > mainly black and brown with a
> >> small white patch,
> >> so I've named him Birmingham.
> >> I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn
> >> cocktail.
> >> I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'
> >> Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get
> >> me out of here!'
> >> Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been living off a
> >> dead Beatle for the last thirty years.
>> Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a
> >> bottle of Tippex.
> >> I woke this morning with a huge correction.
> >> The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers ....... so I
> >> did....
> >> she's 21 and her name's Lucy
> >> My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's
> >> group The Monkees.
> >> I thought she was joking ........ and then I saw her face
> >> I went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting
> >> paedo and other names
> >> at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoilt
> >> our 10th anniversary.
> >> My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a
> >> couple of match sticks,
> >> his little face lit up when he tried to walk..
> >> Unfortunately, I forgot to
> > remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his
> >> cage.
> >> I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful
> >> bleeders.
> >> All I said was, 'hurry up for goodness sake, some of us have got homes to
> >> go to!'
> >> Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big
> >> fat bird
> >> who doesn't gobble anymore.
> >> Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting
> >> your bloody tee ready!
> >> Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching tv when I heard my wife's
> >> voice from the kitchen,
> >> 'what would you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?'
> >> I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please'
> >> She replied, 'You're having soup you fat b*****d, I was talking to the
> >> cat!'
> >> Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's
> > mainly black and brown with a
> >> small white patch,
> >> so I've named him Birmingham.
> >> I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn
> >> cocktail.
> >> I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'
> >> Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get
> >> me out of here!'
> >> Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been living off a
> >> dead Beatle for the last thirty years.
