resorted to this

joke number 1 here goes, How many hymer owners does it take to change a light bulb ,none, they usually have someone to do it for them

Oh come on I think that is very unfair on the Hymer Brand, it has the reputation just like BMW cars and Apple and just like them you pay a lot of money over the competition for all the extras you simply dont get.

did you here about the posh motorhome owner who confused his aires and his graces (is that even a joke)

geez, this ones so bad i actually did laugh, i just downloaded willie nelsons greatest hits in my motorhome and i just cant wait to get out on the road again

A True Irish Ghost Story...Very Scary.

This story happened a few years ago outside Athlone, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it is said to be true!

John Buckley, a young Athlone Community College student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking to Ballymahon on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.
The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.. only to realise there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on .
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a bend approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the bend, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of the Dog & Duck pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realised he was crying and.... wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened, and two other men walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Buckley sobbing at the bar, one said to the other...

'Look Paddy.....there's that fookin eejit that got in the car while we were pushing it!

My pet mouse, Elvis, died last night.
He got caught in a trap.

He must have had a way out, he's left the building!

Good one, and and that guy started a whole religion, you would then have to follow trumpianity

E x c e l l e n t,

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

And God saw it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God, again saw it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back,
the ten the monkey gave back,
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.

For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.

For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.

And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.

I'm doing it as a public service.

If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch...

Brill

Joke

UP OOO UP

I'm sure you will enjoy this. One word in the English language that could be a noun, verb, adj, adv, prep is *UP*.Read until the end... you'll laugh.

This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is *'UP'*. It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].
It's easy to understand *UP*, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake *UP*?

At a meeting, why does a topic come *UP*? Why do we speak *UP*, and why are the officers *UP* for election (if there is a tie, it is a toss *UP*) and why is it *UP* to the secretary to write *UP* a report? We call *UP*our friends, brighten *UP* a room, polish *UP* the silver, warm *UP* the leftovers and clean *UP* the kitchen. We lock *UP* the house and fix *UP* the old car.

At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir *UP* trouble, line UP for tickets, work *UP* an appetite, and think *UP* excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed *UP* is special.

And this *UP* is confusing: A drain must be opened *UP* because it is blocked *UP*.

We open *UP* a store in the morning but we close it *UP* at night. We seem to be pretty mixed *UP* about *UP*!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of *UP*, look *UP* the word *UP* in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes *UP* almost 1/4 of the page and can add *UP* to about thirty definitions.

If you are *UP* to it, you might try building *UP* a list of the many ways *UP* is used. It will take *UP* a lot of your time, but if you don't give *UP*, you may wind *UP* with ( *UP* to) a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding *UP*. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing *UP*. When it rains, it soaks *UP* the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry *UP*. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it *UP*, for now...... my time is *UP*!

So, did this whole thing, crack you *UP*?

Send this on to everyone you look *UP* in your address book... or not... it's *UP* to you.

Now I'll shut *UP*...

A great movie, agreed. See if you can get past the first ten minutes without a tear in your eye!

We were all at a deer camp, no one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly.
We decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so we voted to take
turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his
eyes all bloodshot.
We said, Man what happened to you?
He said, Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning same thing, hair
all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
We said, Man what happened to you, you look awful:
He said, Man that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring, I watched him all night.
On the third night it was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man.
The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyes and bush tailed.
Good Morning, he said. We couldn't believe it. We said, Man, what happened?
He said, Well we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the
butt and kissed him good night.... Bob sat up and watched me all night.

With Age comes Wisdom....

There was me Pat thinking that some monkey had ran up there and placed that banana.

Yeh true,a giraffe might have taken it off a banana tree, stashed it up the coconut tree and came back later on

Try this and dont cheat ... it’s amazing.

EVERYONE NEEDS TO TRY IT !!!!

This is an ALZHEIMERS EYE TEST

(I love this part ...
It's absolutely amazing!)

Count every " F " in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

Now see below.


HOW MANY?

3 ... or 4 ... ?





WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN!
Go on read it again.

Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 Fs before you scroll down.


The reasoning behind this is further down.





Apparently the brain cannot process "OF"

Incredible or what?
Go back and look again!!

Anyone who counts all 6 "Fs” on the first go is a genius.

Three is normal, four is quite rare.

Send this to your friends.
It will drive them crazy!!:
Good isn’t it.